


In Control

by ChocolateKid



Series: Dark Fics [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 25 year difference, Age Difference, Alive Mary, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Bottom Dean, But in his own way, But it's really angsty, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel around 40, Choking, Dark fic, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean is 17, Dom Castiel, Dom/sub, Don't forget that, Dubious Consent, Edgeplay, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exhibitionism, Fights, He's a sweetheart, Helpless Dean, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Dean, Isolation, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Castiel, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Older Castiel, Older Man/Younger Man, On Purpose, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV Dean Winchester, Public Masturbation, Scary Castiel, Secret Relationship, Smut, Stalker Castiel, Sub Dean, Threats, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Twisted love, Unhealthy Relationships, Victim Dean, Voyeurism, Younger Dean Winchester, age gap, all the people in this fic are kinda stupid, and bobby is just his grumpy self, apparent exploitation, but he gives up easily, castiel is dean's new neighbor, castiel is not a good guy here, dependent dean, except benny, he's infatuated by him, i still love him though, i'm overexaggerating, i'm so sorry but i'm also so not sorry for this, in a good way, in the end dean only has castiel left, inflicted by the same person, mary isn't a bad parent but she's poor af, more or less, more or less Evil Castiel, more or less public, sam is away at college, sam's older than dean btw but it doesn't matter, slowly isolates him from his friends and family, the focus is on dean and cas, this became way longer than expected, this might be my most psychologically scarring story lol, wants him for himself, works all the time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:43:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateKid/pseuds/ChocolateKid
Summary: Castiel is Dean's new neighbor. Despite the huge age gap, they start an affair quickly. But is what Benny says true? Is Castiel really manipulating Dean?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote almost 12.000 words just for this story. OMFG. This was the thing I wanted to post last week btw, but it wasn't finished. It is now.
> 
> Just a word beforehand, this story does not describe what a healthy relationship should be like but I guess that's obvious. Castiel is a manipulative bitch in this, basically, but I love him nonetheless. I'm kinda proud that I managed to write this the way I wanted it to. I'm very happy with this!
> 
> Oh, and just FYI, starting from the moment Castiel meets Dean, nothing is coincidence anymore, just wanted to make that clear. Castiel sees Dean and wants him. Starting from there, it's all his doing.
> 
> So yeah, have fun with this, I'm excited for your opinions!

**Dean's POV**

I first heard about our new neighbor from Mom. The flat next to ours had been empty for around half a year, so when someone finally rented it, news travelled fast. Unusually fast, I noticed, which was probably thanks to the fact that the new guy was good-looking, apparently -- at least according to _all_ the female residents and Josh from flat number 5. I hadn't seen the man yet though, so I could neither confirm nor deny.

His name was Castiel, Mom had told me. He worked from home.

That was about all anyone knew about him.

To be honest, I was a little curious about him. But who wouldn't be? A new neighbor was big news in a small apartment complex like ours and I was already wondering when I would finally meet him for the first time...

It turned out to be only a few days after he moved in. Mom had told me to please do the laundry because she had to leave for work in a few minutes, so I took the basket full of clothes and left the flat for the laundry room. As soon as I opened our door though, I stopped.

A man stood in front of me, key in hand, staring at me with wide eyes. I stared back. Holy hell, did he have nice eyes. They were as blue as the ocean and I supposed I could drown in them just as easily. His hair was dark and messy, like he'd been running his hands through it all day long, and I guessed he must've been around forty years old.

I realized he had to be my new neighbor...

He was older than I'd expected but he looked _amazing_ for his age. No wonder everybody was freaking out about his good looks. Besides, I'd always had it bad for older men (or women).

"C-Can I help you?" I asked, voice too hoarse to be casual. He was just a foot away from me or so, too close for me to breathe, and I simply couldn't avert my eyes. Castiel didn't seem to be able to stop staring either though.

"You're in my apartment," he said matter-of-factly, his voice deeper than I believed possible, and I shook my head, forcing a smile.

"Sorry, man, but you must've mixed up the numbers. If you're the new guy, your room is the one next door. I forgot which was mine, too, when I first moved in," I said and I didn't know how I managed to talk as casually as I did. Castiel's gaze was scrutinizing and _intense_ , man.

"I apologize," he said after a few seconds of contemplating and left without another word. He opened the door of his actual flat and disappeared without sparing me another look.

I didn't know how long I ended up standing in our doorway, staring down the hall, but it was way to long for it to be normal. I couldn't help it though. I was completely smitten.

I shook my head quickly to gain back coherent thought. Castiel wouldn't be interested in me anyway, I was way too young for him. I was seventeen, for God's sake.

Forcing my thoughts away from Castiel, I pressed the laundry basket closer to my side and walked down the stairs. I had some clothes to wash after all.

* * *

Starting that day, I saw Castiel almost daily. It was mostly coincidence, pretty much every time I came back from school or work. He was always in front of his flat, just about to open or close the door, when I arrived. Sometimes he had grocery bags with him, another time he was about to leave for the laundry room. No matter what he did though, I somehow managed to see him every single day.

It was almost too good to be true...

Every time, I would greet him with a smile and a "Hey," and he'd answer with his intense stare and a "Hello Dean." I didn't know where he knew my name from, but I knew his as well, so I supposed it wasn't all that weird.

We never said more than those three words to each other. Not that we had a lot of time to talk, seeing as we only met these few seconds every day. But it was better than nothing.

It was about a week or two later, when he followed me to the laundry room.

Well, he didn't _follow_ me exactly, but it was a cute coincidence. The moment I passed his flat, the door opened and Castiel stood in front of me with his own laundry basket in his arms. He didn't seem surprised to see me, just greeted me with his usual "Hello Dean," and walked the rest of the way with me. I was excited to be walking next to him.

We didn't talk at all when we descended the stairs and entered the room. I didn't know what to say anyway and Castiel's eyes that were on me the whole way down made me an insecure and blushing mess. What was up with the staring, man?

In the laundry room, there were two rows of washing machines and I quickly walked over to the one I normally used. Castiel chose the one in the second row, directly across from me, and I couldn't help but look at him from time to time while putting my dirty clothes inside the machine.

Still, it was quiet. The silence wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it confused me a little. Wasn't small talk the norm? Then again, Castiel in himself confused me, so it really wasn't that surprising. I simply didn't know what to think of him, other than, 'He's hot.'

Castiel was quicker putting in his clothes than I was. He had less stuff anyway, seeing as I was washing Mom's clothes, too.

I averted my eyes again, expecting him to either leave or sit down with a book or so, but he did neither. Instead, he started working on the buttons of his shirt, opening them swiftly. My eyes flew up to his strong chest in surprise.

He put the shirt in the machine as well and then took off his socks and pants, and threw them in, too, leaving him standing in his boxers. I couldn't help looking down at his crotch for a moment, noticing the obvious outline of a hard dick underneath the white cloth, before my gaze flew up again.

His eyes met mine unexpectedly and I startled, the look in Castiel's gaze dark and hungry. My mouth fell open for a second, before I forced it close again and gulped hard. There was tension between the two of us, so much, and I didn't know what to do. I'd never been in a situation quite like this.

All of a sudden, I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye. It was Castiel's hand wandering over to his white boxers determinedly, cupping his obvious erection and slowly stroking it through the cloth. He let out a small moan and I felt my breathing becoming shallow.

Castiel was jerking off right in front of me. Was this really happening?

I shouldn't watch this, I realized. I should leave right this second and never turn around, move to another country even. But my limbs were frozen and unmoving, the only part of my body reacting in any way being my dick that was perking up in interest.

Castiel's hand soon reached inside of his boxers, taking out his _huge_ cock and stroking it lazily. He was rock hard, I noticed, apparently getting off on me watching him, and I couldn't suppress the small whimper that escaped my mouth. Castiel smirked at that, not that I had enough brain capacity to notice right now.

His movements got a little quicker, jerking and squeezing his dick experiencedly, slick pre-come already forming at its head. He was panting by the time it was dropping to the floor, and I couldn't help the moan, my hand cupping my own crotch to relieve some of the pressure. It was obscene watching Castiel do this, but it was so weirdly arousing as well. That man knew exactly what he did to me.

Neither of us said a word throughout the whole thing, and when Castiel came, it was with a low moan and a shudder. His come splattered all over the washing machine and the floor, him not seeming all that bothered by it. I was still staring at him, his dick becoming flaccid slowly now that he was finished, and I still couldn't move. I watched him take off his boxers now, too, wiping away his come with it and then throwing it into the machine.

When he pressed the button, the machine came to life and I was ripped from my stupor violently.

Immediately realizing what I had just witnessed, I blushed furiously and threw the rest of my laundry inside of the machine, pressed the button and _ran_ out of the room. I didn't look back the whole way upstairs, ignoring everything and everyone around me until I was in the safety of my flat.

I jerked off four times that night.

* * *

"You have a new neighbor, right?" Benny asked when we were sitting next to each other on my bed, playing video games. I almost jumped when he mentioned Castiel and promptly died in the game.

Benny looked up at me in surprise. "You alright, man? You were winning," he said.

"I'm fine," I replied, too fast, and Benny frowned at me suspiciously. I hadn't seen Castiel in a few days, which was unusual, but I was thankful for it. After what had happened, I was still kinda freaked out. "How do you know that we have a new neighbor?"

"Kevin told me," Benny answered, still eyeing me up skeptically. Kevin and his mom were other residents in this building, they lived two floors beneath us. Benny and Kevin were rather good friends, unlikely as it seemed, and even though I knew that, it still startled me whenever Benny knew more than what I'd told him.

"Oh okay," I said, shutting up, but Benny wouldn't have that.

"So?" he asked. "What's up with him? I've heard some weird stories, man."

"He really is kinda strange," I admitted. "But he's alright, really." Not that I knew all that much about Castiel. I didn't know anything about him, actually, only that he enjoyed jerking off in front of seventeen-year-olds and that didn't really speak for him now, did it?

For some reason though, I felt like I needed to protect him. It was probably his stupid good looks.

"Why? What've you heard?" I asked, trying to seem casual.

"Well, Kevin said that his mom met him in the laundry room a few days ago, and he was reading a book, naked. Like, _completely_ naked," he emphasized. My stomach turned.

"Oh?" I asked, not meeting Benny's eyes. Thankfully, he didn't comment on my weird behavior. "Well, Castiel is... special, I guess," I forced out.

Sensing I was uncomfortable, Benny let it drop.

We continued playing video games until it was late and Mom threw Benny out. I decided to walk him to the stairs, so we could talk a little longer at least.

When we passed Castiel's door, it opened suddenly.

"Oh, hello Dean," Castiel greeted, impassive as ever, as if he didn't jack off in front of me the last time I saw him. I blushed furiously when I looked at him but didn't want Benny to notice, so I muttered a quick, "Hey Cas," and otherwise ignored him.

When I looked at Benny next, his eyes were still fixed on Castiel and he had a suspicious glimmer in his eyes. They instantly disliked each other, that much was obvious.

"Come on," I said to Benny and pulled him with me by his sleeve. We walked the few steps to the stairs and Benny gave me a goodbye hug, inconspicuously muttering something in my ear, "Be careful, man."

I nodded quickly, knowing what he meant but not really believing Castiel would do me harm. Yeah, he was a little weird and yes, he did have a slightly creepy side, but I was not a kid anymore. I could handle myself.

Benny _knew_ that.

"Friend of yours?" Castiel asked when Benny had left. I hadn't noticed that he was waiting for me in his doorway.

I gulped nervously before answering, aware of the fact that the hallway was empty apart from us. "Uh... Yeah," I said, not knowing what Castiel was getting at.

"He seems nice," Castiel deadpanned and I almost laughed at the absurdity. It was obvious that they despised each other.

I didn't say that out loud though, obviously.

"He is," I replied simply and we were back to staring at each other. Neither of us moved for a long while, me standing in the middle of the hallway and Castiel leaning against his door. The silence stretched on and on, making me shift slightly in anticipation. What did he expect me to do? What was he waiting for? Maybe he wanted me to go home.

"I should--"

"Would you like to come in?" Castiel's calm voice cut off my words. My heartbeat sped up.

"I--" I started, about to say no, but Castiel interrupted me once again.

"I wanted to apologize for the other day. That was inappropriate," he said and my eyes went wide. I'd been completely content with never thinking about the laundry room incident again, let alone talk about it. And now Castiel had just casually mentioned it?

"Uh..." I started, dumb-founded, but Castiel kept talking.

"I can offer you some pie to apologize. You like pie, right?" he said more than asked and I blinked in confusion. "Come on," he ordered and entered his flat. I stood in the middle of the hallway for a few more seconds, fighting an inner battle before I felt myself following without thinking.

I never seemed to be able to think when it came to Castiel.

The door closed behind me and I looked around nervously, taking in his apartment. It was similar to ours but cleaner -I never got around to tidying up and Mom was always at work- and there was a painting on the wall. Apart from that, the flats were about the same.

Suddenly, Castiel was in front of me, handing me a plate with some pie on it and I blinked at him surprisedly before taking it. He led me to the table and sat down across from me, smiling slightly when I looked anywhere but at him.

I started eating.

What else was I supposed to do anyway?

"Mhh, that's really good pie," I exclaimed surprisedly after taking the first bite and humming contently. Even Mom's pies didn't taste as good! I wondered where he'd gotten it from.

"Thank you, I made it myself," Castiel mentioned and smiled knowingly. God, he was perfect, making a mean pie like that...

He let me eat in silence.

When I was halfway done, Castiel suddenly stood up and came to sit next to me. I looked up at him questioningly, mid-bite, and let go off the pie.

"I really am sorry about what happened," Castiel said and he looked genuinely apologetic. Maybe he really did regret it. Maybe that's why I didn't see him those last days, too, because he felt guilty?

"It's okay," I assured him, not knowing if it really was, but I just wanted the awkwardness to stop. Castiel didn't let go that easily though.

"No, it's really not. I was selfish. I climaxed in front of you and neglected to take care of you afterwards, even though you were so obviously aroused. It wasn't fair. In my defense, you didn't give me a lot of time to help before you left," Castiel said, voice plain but regretful. I flinched at his words. How could he say stuff like that without feeling ashamed?

"But don't worry," he said, his voice even lower than just a second ago. "I'll make up for it now."

And with these words, he picked up a piece of pecan pie and pushed it into his mouth, moaning at the taste. He chewed but only swallowed parts of it. All I could do was stare.

His eyes fell back on me quickly and he buried one of his hands in my hair, pulling me closer inch for inch. It didn't hurt, not at all, but I still struggled slightly. I felt my dick twitching in my pants -I'd had wet dreams about being in a situation like this since the laundry room incident- but now that it was actually happening, I panicked.

Castiel smiled soothingly and shook his head while leaning over to me, and my heartbeat slowed down slightly. Castiel wouldn't harm me, would he?

That's when his lips met mine and I immediately stopped struggling, mind going blank. All I could think was, _wow_.

I'd kissed girls before and it had been nice, but I'd never kissed a boy, let alone a grown man. His lips were chapped and moving underneath mine, his stubble slightly scratching my cheek, and I loved the feeling of it. I went limp under his hands, trusting him completely to make me feel good.

Castiel pulled my chair towards him and tangled our legs together, bringing us even closer. Fuck, I was kissing a guy that was twenty years older than me and I fucking _loved_ it.

Acting on instinct, I opened my mouth and let him in. I'd almost forgotten all about the pie he didn't swallow, so I was a little surprised when something soft and sweet was pushed into my mouth. No one had ever done that to me, shared their food with me this way. I knew it should be gross, but all I could think about was how hot all of it was.

I swallowed it down eagerly and let him take full control of the kiss. I still tasted the pie on his tongue and it made me happy and dizzy at the same time.

That's when I gave him full control of everything else, too.

"Come here," Castiel said when he pulled away for a second and I did as I was told. I climbed onto his lap without hesitation and leaned back in to kiss him, but Castiel stopped me.

"Did I say you could kiss me?" he asked, voice somber, and I stared at him in wonder.

"Uh... No," I replied, still a little dazed, and tried to lean in again but he kept me from doing so. I squirmed in his lap. I _needed_ those lips.

"You don't get to kiss me, unless I allow it. You do as I say," he explained and I nodded quickly. I'd do anything as long as it made me have those lips on mine again.

Castiel stared at me contemplatingly for a few seconds, my gaze desperately fixed on his lips but not moving. I didn't dare to. After a few seconds of horrible nothing, Castiel muttered, "Good," and _finally_ kissed me again.

I sucked on his tongue eagerly when it entered my mouth and moaned thankfully. His kisses were like a drug to me.

I started squirming in his lap, my hard-on hurting uncomfortably at the lack of friction, and I pressed against Castiel's crotch eagerly, thrusting up slightly. He gripped my hips in response and stopped my movements.

"Did I say you could do that?" he asked, interrupting our kiss yet again, and he sounded somewhat angry. I shook my head another time, tears starting to form in my eyes. My dick felt neglected and it was really starting to hurt.

"Please," I whispered, suppressing a sob, and Castiel's eyes softened. I didn't usually get that whiny during sex, but normally, I wasn't denied to touch or kiss the other person. What was wrong with him?

Castiel caressed my cheek lovingly.

"Just a little more patience. I'll make it good for you," he promised and pulled me back towards him, drawing my lower lip into his mouth. I moaned at the feeling but otherwise didn't move, not wanting to make him angry and deny me pleasure yet again.

I let him use me like a toy.

His tongue found its way back into my mouth and I let my mind go blank again, simply _feeling_. Feeling the way Castiel's tongue explored my mouth, licking and sucking and nibbling. Feeling Castiel's hands sliding under my shirt, travelling all over my skin, teasing my nipples. Feeling Castiel fiddling with my jeans button and taking out my dick from my boxers. Oh, how I loved the feeling of his hands on my cock.

I sucked in a sharp breath when he started stroking, teasing me with experienced hands, and I couldn't help but thrust up into his grip.

"No," Castiel ordered, not stopping, and I resignedly forced myself to hold still. It was torture, not being allowed to act on instinct.

Even without my own help though, I was about to come within minutes. I was panting hard, forcing myself to stay still with everything I had. I was so close.

But then, a single moment before I came, Castiel wrapped his hand around the base of my cock tightly, successfully preventing me from coming hard. I sobbed loudly, not able to hold it in.

"No, Cas, please, please don't do that, let me come, _please_!" I complained frantically, trying to thrust up into his hand but his grip was made of steel. It was starting to hurt now, too.

"Shh, it's gonna be fine," Castiel said soothingly and I sobbed again, desperate tears leaving my eyes.

"Please, Cas, please, I'll do anything! Please let me come. Cas, please," I exclaimed, not sure what exactly I was muttering, my mind completely taken over with the need to come.

Castiel didn't do anything though. He just waited for me to calm down, hand still gripping the base of my cock tightly and his other hand coming up to caress my face soothingly.

"Oh, Dean, you're gonna be fine," he cooed again. "I promise that I'm gonna make you come, better than you ever have, okay?" he said and I closed my eyes hard. I nodded, trusting him for now. I knew he was gonna let me come, the question was just _when_.

Slowly, Castiel started stroking again. I wasn't close to coming anymore, thanks to his previous iron grip on my dick, but it was building up again quickly. I held still, knowing Castiel wanted me to, so I just sat there, mouth wide open and eyes closed. Castiel's hand was unrelenting, moving in just the right pace, bringing me closer and closer to my orgasm again. My breathing sped up, I felt it building in my stomach, and then, and then -- stop.

"No! No, no, no, no, no, Cas!!" I shouted, not caring about who might hear because _damn it_ , that bastard had cut me off _again_!

"Do not complain, Dean," Castiel ordered, voice hard, and I shrank in his lap slightly. My excitement was almost gone again, balls slowly getting blue, and I barely managed to hold back my tears. This was so unfair. "I'm gonna let you come eventually," he said.

"How many more times?" I asked weakly and he looked at me contemplatingly.

"As many times as you can handle," he replied and ignored the desperate pleading that followed.

"You can't do this, Cas, please, don't be cruel, I _need_ to come, okay, please," I reasoned, but Castiel didn't react in any other way than in starting to jerk me off again, so I stopped arguing. There was no use, Castiel did what he wanted anyway.

Maybe he'd let me come this time though, I thought hopefully.

He didn't.

And he didn't let me come the next time either. Or the next.

Slowly, I was beginning to feel drained, my complaining becoming less and less, and I was exhausted beyond belief. After the sixth time he denied me an orgasm, my head dropped forward onto his shoulder, tears burning in my eyes and soaking his shirt. "Please, Cas," I whispered into his shoulder weakly. I was sure I'd die if he refused me one more time.

Castiel didn't react just like before and simply started stroking me again. I was close to coming in seconds, that's how desperate my dick already was. I didn't have high hopes to be coming this time though.

Just like every time, my breathing became shallow, anticipation building in my gut, growing bigger and bigger, and I half-expected Castiel to cut me off again, but no! I was coming for real this time, oh, I was coming, so hard it made my whole body shake, pulling out desperate sobs and moans. I collapsed in Castiel's arms involuntarily and he held me up, cum still leaking out of my cock, soaking our clothes.

I could safely say that I'd never come that hard in my life.

I was full on crying now, sobbing in relief and exhaustion, and Castiel pulled me closer, caressing my back slowly.

"Shh," he said, soothing me slightly. My head was still buried in his shoulder. "You're alright," he whispered into my ear and I shuddered tiredly. "You did amazing, Baby Doll."

I didn't want to move ever again. I knew I was sweaty and sticky and there was cum all over my clothes, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Castiel must've realized that and pulled me up with him, carrying me over to the kitchen counter and setting me down on it. He smiled when he met my tired gaze and wiped our clothes clean with a wet cloth as best as he could. When he was done, he put my arms around his neck and pulled me up on his hips. He carried me towards his bed and gently laid me down on it.

Seconds later, I was asleep.

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up, was an arm around my waist. The second thing was that the room was not mine.

The memory came back quickly. I was with my neighbor Castiel after a night of an intense jerk off session and he was lying in bed next to me at the moment. My chest filled with panic. What had I gotten myself into?

I shifted slightly, trying to escape his arms without waking him up, but he just pulled me closer, possessive even during sleep. I turned my head towards him.

God, he was hot. Why did he have to be so hot?

"Cas," I whispered, knowing that I wouldn't get out of bed if he wasn't awake. "Cas, wake up," I whispered again and Castiel mumbled something unintelligible before opening his eyes slowly. He wasn't awake just yet but when he noticed my gaze on him, the dazed look became a little more focused.

"What is it, Dean?" he muttered and I was speechless for a second. Castiel didn't seem surprised or bothered by seeing me in his bed, apparently he didn't regret last night or think it was weird. I didn't know if I should be glad or scared.

"What time is it?" I asked a little uneasily. It was a Saturday, which meant I had to be at work at ten. And if it was eight already, that'd give me the perfect reason to leave.

"Relax," Castiel said. "I set an alarm for 7:30, you'll get to Bobby's on time."

I didn't ask how he knew about Bobby. I didn't ask why he knew when I usually got up in the morning either.

I ignored all the signs that this was creepy and wrong, and forced myself to calm down instead. Maybe Castiel was simply attentive, and he'd heard me talking to somebody in the hallway. Or he'd talked to Mom and she'd mentioned it to him. I didn't know. But there was probably a really simple reason for it all.

Castiel kissed my neck sleepily and I relaxed under the sweet touch. Why was I even worrying? Castiel was great, if a little weird and a lot horny, but nothing spoke against some casual sex, right? He was just so good-looking...

The alarm didn't go off for another hour. Castiel was asleep again, his nose buried in my hair, while I was wide awake, thinking about last night's happenings.

Sure, it was wrong and dangerous, and I could theoretically get Castiel arrested for taking advantage of a seventeen-year-old, but _god_ , I'd never come that hard in my _life_. Why would I give that up?

Castiel was a weirdo, that much was clear, and he was probably a little too obsessed with me as well, but did it really matter? As long as we'd repeat last night, I'd put up with almost anything.

Mom wouldn't even have to know.

Oh shit. Mom.

Did she know I hadn't come home yesterday? Did she notice the empty bed when she checked in the morning? I was so screwed.

It was this exact moment when the alarm went off.

I was sitting up in a second, turning towards Castiel and shaking him awake in a panic.

"Cas," I said and he glared at me in annoyance. Wow, not a morning person then.

This was more important though. "Cas, my mom..." was all I had to say. Castiel shook his head quietly.

"Don't worry, I took care of that," he explained.

"What? How?" How did he possibly explain to her that I stayed the night at my forty-year-old neighbor's apartment?

"I left her a note in the kitchen, saying you slept over at Benny's. I signed for you," he yawned and I frowned slightly. Did Castiel even realize what he'd just said?

"You... You were in our kitchen?" I asked and Castiel tilted his head slightly. It'd be cute if I wasn't so freaked out. "How?"

"You have a spare key under the mat," he explained. "Everybody keeps it under the mat."

I breathed out slowly. Okay, not quite as creepy as my suspicion that he'd picked the lock, but still scary as fuck.

...I'd better find a new hiding place.

I got up quickly, taking a shower without asking Castiel, and when I came out of the bathroom again, I found him making breakfast in the kitchen. We ate in silence.

"You'll come back tonight," Castiel said and it wasn't a question. "I'd miss you if you didn't."

"What about my--"

"Your mom has a night shift, you'd be alone anyway," Castiel answered before I finished my question.

I didn't ask.

"You know she sometimes wishes you weren't there, right?" he asked and my eyes flew up to his in alarm. He was looking at me sympathetically, like he was sorry for the fact that my family supposedly didn't want me. A sick feeling settled in my stomach. "On some days, she hates having to care for you, too. She barely has enough money for herself to get by, how is she supposed to love you if you keep making her life twice as hard?" he contemplated and I felt tears stinging in my eyes, but I held them back.

"Bullshit," I said, despite the doubts creeping into my thoughts. "Mom does love me."

"Oh yeah? She's never home, Dean, how would you know? She's at work or asleep, that's all she does, so why are you so sure she really loves you?" Castiel looked at me with a hard gaze that made me bite back the words that were on the tip of my tongue. "I'm the only one who's being honest with you and I'm doing it to protect you, can't you see that?"

Silence.

"Ask her," Castiel then said. "Ask her and tell me you believe her."

Again, I didn't reply.

I set my empty plate down at the kitchen counter and left the apartment, feeling violated, angry and insecure.

He was wrong. Of course he was. There was no way, Mom wouldn't--

I promised myself to prove it to Castiel tonight.

For now though, I had work to go to.

* * *

Sometimes, like today, work was a pain in the ass. Bobby had ordered me around all day, complaining about everything I didn't do and ignoring the things I did do. It was infuriating and annoying, but I guess that was just what Bobby was like. No appreciation and full on complaining, and at the end of the month a pay check that didn't make up for it all.

I sighed. There was no use thinking about it any longer, at least I _did_ get paid. Some money was better than no money.

I came home drenched in sweat and motor oil and stepped into the shower quickly. The water felt amazing on my body and I didn't leave the bathroom for about half an hour. I hoped Mom didn't mind showering cold.

I wrapped myself in a towel and left the bathroom. I was gonna make dinner for Mom, I decided, because she was never in a good mood when she had night shifts.

I decided on simple mac and cheese since we didn't have all that much at home. Castiel had been right, we really did barely scrape by. I wondered if he'd been right with his other claims as well...

I'd been thinking about it all day, actually, replaying every conversation Mom and I had had in the last four weeks and, honestly, there were only a few. Mom was no workaholic, not by decision at least, but she didn't earn enough to be home more often. It sometimes made me wonder if I really was a burden.

Mom came into the kitchen right when I was done cooking, eyeing the contents of the pot warily. When she saw what it was she sighed loudly.

"Mac and cheese _again_?" she asked annoyedly and I sent her an apologetic smile.

"We didn't have much else," I explained and she looked up at me quickly.

"No. I suppose we didn't," she mumbled and I could see resignation and guilt behind her indifferent facade. "Well then. Mac and cheese it is," she said.

I filled a plate with noodles and gave it to her, then I took another one for myself. We sat down at the table and ate quietly. I could feel that Mom was lost in thought.

"Hey, Mom," I started, Castiel's words nagging at me still. "You know that I love you, right?" I said. I needed her to know. And more than anything I needed her to say it back. Prove Castiel wrong.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," she replied exhaustedly and instead of adding anything else, she put her head in her hands like she was beginning to develop a headache.

"Do you--" I started, feeling stupid for asking, but _needing_ to know. "Do you love me, too?" I forced out and Mom didn't even look up when she muttered, "Of course, sweetheart, you're my son."

It didn't sound as if she meant it. She said it like she just read it out loud from a script on "how-to-parent", and the only reason why she even used that script was because I was her son. As if it was her obligation to love me, because I was family. But if I wasn't, would she still hold on to those words? And if she had to use a script, did she really mean those words when she said them to me?

I realized that Castiel had been right all along. I was nothing but a burden, an unwanted roommate, eating her food and not paying rent. It didn't matter that I worked my ass off at Bobby's because the little amount that it got me wasn't nearly enough to support even one of us.

I was useless.

Mom left right after dinner, only sending a quick, "See you later," my way, and then she was gone. I stayed alone in an empty flat with too many dark thoughts surrounding me.

I couldn't stand the loneliness of the apartment for long, so I left, not knowing where to, but when I passed Castiel's flat and instinctively stopped, I knew. If there was one person who cared about me -if only for sex- in the whole mess that was my life, it'd be Castiel.

I knew it was a bad idea, it was a _horrible_ idea, to be honest, and I hadn't planned to run back to Castiel that quickly. We'd basically fucked the night before, and we didn't even know each other all that well. Not to mention the unusually big age gap between us.

I wasn't really in the mood for rational thought though. I knocked on Castiel's door before I had time to think about it.

"Hello Dean," Castiel greeted me and I entered without his consent. "Are you alright?"

He must've sensed something was wrong, but I didn't want to talk about it just yet. First I wanted to kiss him and take comfort in his touches, but I knew he'd push me away if I did so. After yesterday I knew that Castiel was a control freak, he wouldn't let me do that to him without permission.

"Can you kiss me?" I therefore asked and Castiel looked down at me sympathetically.

"Of course," he said and cupped my face with his hands, kissing me softly. It was slow and sweet, harmless and without any sexual feelings. It was good to know I wasn't just a plaything to him.

We kissed for another while, just standing in each other's embrace, until he pulled away slightly. I was still hugging him though, not wanting to let go, and I was glad Castiel allowed it. It was soothing.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" Castiel asked quietly and I stayed silent for a few minutes. I didn't want to admit to Castiel that my mother didn't love me. He'd laugh at me for actually believing it in the first place, wouldn't he?

"You were right," I said, deciding that I just wanted to get it off my chest, no matter how he would react. "Mom doesn't love me anymore."

Thankfully, Castiel didn't say, "I told you so." He didn't reply at all, actually, but that was fine because he pulled me even closer, silently comforting me. I instantly felt better.

"You know, I'm not even surprised," I admitted. "We didn't have a decent talk in forever and I knew life was hard for her. I knew I didn't help. But the thing I'm always asking myself is, if my own _mother_ doesn't love me, then who will?"

Castiel just listened, not commenting on my words. He knew I needed to get it all out before he'd comment.

"Sam might," I thought out loud. "He's always been great to me. He left for college though and I barely talk to him anymore."

Benny might love me. Maybe Bobby. I wasn't sure.

But most importantly, at the moment, "You might."

Again, Castiel didn't say anything, but I felt him pressing a soft kiss to my hair, stroking my back calmingly. It made me feel better instantly and I closed my eyes.

"I haven't known you for all that long," I decided to say. "But you're one of the few people in my life who seem to care about me, for whatever reason. And maybe, one day, you will be able to love me. It doesn't matter which way. And I will wait until then."

Those were the last words I had to say on that topic and Castiel sensed this. "I already do love you, Dean," he said and I shuddered slightly.

"You can't," I said. "You barely know me."

"I know you better than you might think, Dean, you're a wonderful person. From the moment I first saw you, I wanted you to be mine. I'll give you everything you need if you'll just be mine, Dean. Will you?" he asked and I nodded into his shoulder.

"You know there's no going back from this, right?" he asked and I nodded again.

I'd made my decision. And my decision was to try and love the one person that cared about me one hundred percent.

* * *

Weeks went by. Not much happened.

I stayed with Castiel whenever Mom wasn't there -which was often- and I even stopped eating at home in general, not wanting to waste Mom's food. Castiel had assured me that he earned enough to support us both without it having negative consequences for him. I was unbelievably thankful that he did that for me.

We had sex a lot. The first time I'd bottomed, I'd been scared and insecure, but Castiel had assured me that it was fine. He'd told me to relax and trust him. I did.

Obviously, it had been mind-blowing.

Castiel gave a lot of instructions, in general, seemingly liking to have the upper hand. When he was in a bad mood for example, he'd make me clean stuff around the flat; when he was particularly happy, he'd tell me to go out and do whatever I wanted. I mostly met up with Benny whenever that happened.

Most of all though, Castiel loved having control in the bedroom. I quickly learned to follow his orders and stay still unless he told me differently. Punishments included not letting me come and spanking, which I was not a big fan of. I deserved it though, sometimes.

I'd say, at the bottom of his heart, Castiel was a good man. Most of the time, at least. He worked from home, and he sometimes ignored me for hours and hours when he was on his laptop, but he provided for us both without much effort.

Everything he did, he did for me, and I thrived under his attention. He told me he loved me every day.

On some days though, I couldn't help but be a little freaked by his actions. Like when he talked to me about things he shouldn't even know about in the first place, or when he showed up at my working place to pick me up, without me ever giving him the address. It was weird and scary, and it made me worry about how he knew so much about my life, but I kept telling myself that there had to be a harmless reason for it all. And if you looked it at from another angle, it did have its perks! It meant I didn't have to keep secrets for example. Castiel knew pretty much everything about me, for whatever reason, and the fact that he was still with me assured me tremendously.

Yeah, things with Castiel were getting more and more serious, indeed. I was beginning to depend on him, following him around like a puppy, and I knew it was dangerous but I didn't mind.

He was good to me. Mostly.

At the same time our relationship was progressing though -whatever kind of relationship that was-, I distanced myself from Mom. Not that it was hard. I only saw her half an hour every day, right before she left for work, so it was not a big deal not to talk to her. It was better if I stayed away, I knew that, but after everything, it still made me a little depressed.

Castiel always knew how to cheer me up though.

"Can you pass me the salt, please?" Castiel asked. We were eating dinner at the moment and Castiel had made steak for the both of us. As luck would have it, Castiel was an amazing cook as well. Sometimes I couldn't believe just how perfect he was.

"Sure," I said, smiling brightly, and passed him the saltshaker. He smiled back at me, eyes warm.

When I was finished eating, I leaned back in my seat and stretched, yawning loudly.

"Tired?" Castiel asked and smirked at me, eyebrow cocked.

I nodded.

"Bobby made me work on four separate cars today, but like, really big stuff, no easy fixes. And as soon as I was finished with one of them, he'd shoe me to the next one. I was _constantly_ working," I told him. "And he still wasn't satisfied! Bobby's such an asshole sometimes," I decided, not meaning what I said but saying it anyway.

Castiel didn't react immediately. He looked up at me from his food and eyed me up thoughtfully. Then he said, "He's exploiting you."

The words hit me like a bullet.

"No, he's not," I defended him instinctively. "Yes, he can be an ass and he makes me do a lot of work, but he told me many times that I'm his best worker. He likes me a lot, he's just... grumpy. And he promised to raise my wages soon, as a reward for working so hard," I told him, needing Castiel to see that Bobby wasn't taking advantage of the cheap worker that I was. Bobby loved me.

Castiel didn't look convinced. "And when will that be, Dean? Since when has he been promising you more money? Must've been a while ago."

My blood turned cold at that. "You're wrong," I said. "Bobby's not like that."

Castiel didn't reply.

"He's like a _father_ to me," I emphasized.

"If you say so," Castiel muttered.

I set my jaw, suppressing my anger. This was not the way I'd wanted dinner to go. I'd wanted to eat delicious steaks and have some sex afterwards, was that too much to ask?

I couldn't stand Castiel sometimes. He had the unwelcome ability to make me feel insecure and worthless by telling nothing but the truth. The worst part was though that his inconspicuous words always affected me way more than Castiel probably expected them to.

He probably didn't even know just how deep his words cut. He'd be cruel if he did.

Already I was drowning in self-doubt and anger, questioning Bobby's intentions throughout the whole time I'd been working for him. It was like the thing with Mom but worse. Mom's lies hadn't actually surprised me, I'd barely seen her all that time anyway, but Bobby's betrayal... That'd hit hard.

I shook off those traitorous thoughts. Lies, all lies. Bobby loved me like a son and nothing would convince me otherwise.

Would it?

Castiel and I didn't speak for a long while. He put away his empty plate, taking mine with him, and sat down in front of the TV. I joined him wordlessly and curled up in his lap.

He let it happen, caressing my hair soothingly.

* * *

"Dude, what's going on with you lately?" Benny asked, interrupting my thoughts and simultaneously the video game we'd been playing, and I turned my head towards him.

"What do you mean?" I said monotonously.

"You're not paying attention to anything anymore. At first I thought you were just tired, had a tough day at work or something, but it's been going on for weeks! It's like you're miles away, man," he stated and I averted my eyes involuntarily. I didn't know what to say to that. I'd been in constant conflict lately.

"Seriously. What's wrong?" he repeated.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Look me in the eye and say that again."

Silence. I didn't look at him.

"Come on, man, I'm your best friend, you can talk to me," Benny assured me and I breathed out slowly. I could trust him, I knew that. But did I trust him with this?

"It's just... I've been thinking a lot lately. About people, and... I don't know," I said vaguely.

"What do you mean? Who've you been thinking about?" Benny insisted and I squirmed slightly. I decided I'd tell him the truth, or parts of it.

"Mom mostly. Bobby, too. I'm not sure they still love me," I admitted and immediately I realized how stupid that sounded. I flinched when Benny fixed me with an unbelieving look.

"Seriously?" he said. "You don't believe your own _mother_ loves you?"

"She's barely home, man! And when she is, she's pissed at me. When she tells me that she loves me it sounds forced, and she'd be better off if I wasn't there anyway. She must regret having me," I explained reluctantly and Benny's expression grew even more absurd.

"Who've you been talking to, man? That's _bullshit_!" he exclaimed. "Why would you even think that?"

"W-Well," I started. Was I gonna tell him about Castiel? I wouldn't even have to tell him _everything_ , right? "I've been talking to -- somebody and it got me thinking, and when I asked Mom later, she--" I rambled but Benny interrupted me.

"Talking to who?" he wanted to know and I squirmed again, feeling _really_ uncomfortable in my skin.

"Castiel," I replied.

"Your new neighbor?" he asked, frowning in confusion. "Why would he say something like that? And why would you even talk to him about it?"

"It just... happened, I don't know, we just talk sometimes," I said and if Benny knew I was keeping a secret, he didn't comment on it.

"So you've talked to Castiel and he decided that your mom didn't love you," Benny repeated, unbelieving, and I nodded hesitantly.

"And _why exactly_ do you believe him?" Benny asked, like it was the weirdest thing he'd ever heard about.

"I don't know," I mumbled. "He's convincing."

"He's con--" Benny repeated but stopped mid-sentence. "He's _dangerous_ , that's what he is. He's manipulating you."

"He's not," I protested, knowing that I was wrong but not wanting to admit it. Castiel was wonderful most of the time, just every once in a while he said stuff that hit me hard.

"He totally is. He's planting doubts in your head, man, don't let him get to you. Fuck, I knew that guy would be trouble. I knew just by looking at him," Benny decided, wiping over his face with his hand. He was silent for a few seconds, just staring at the wall in thought. I didn't dare interrupt the silence.

Then, all of a sudden, he turned back to me determinedly and said, "Stay away from him, okay? He'll be the death of you."

I couldn't do anything but nod.

* * *

I didn't sleep at Castiel's that night, trying to stay true to my promise and stay away from him. It wasn't as easy as Benny had made it seem. I felt unbelievably lonely and missed Castiel horribly, needing his warmth behind me and his loving words to fall asleep. He was like a drug I was addicted to.

After hours of not being able to fall asleep, I decided I'd go back to him tomorrow. Screw Benny. Screw promises. Who needed honesty? Castiel was more important.

So, like I'd decided, I walked back to Castiel's door the next day after school, hoping he wouldn't be too pissed at me for not showing up yesterday. I'd broken an unspoken rule and I was sure Castiel wouldn't take easy on it.

"Hey Cas," I said shyly when he opened the door for me. He didn't seem to be in a bad mood exactly, but he still waved me inside without a single word.

"Are you pissed?" I asked hesitantly.

Castiel didn't react. Instead, he said, "Get naked."

My heartbeat increased immediately, just like it did every time we were about to have sex. There was a slight trace of fear underneath my arousal this time though, seeing as I didn't know which punishment to expect. Castiel could be cruel if he wanted to.

Not wanting to make him angrier than he already was, I started stripping down, throwing my stuff on the floor carelessly. Castiel only had to look at it disapprovingly for me to bow down and neatly fold them instead.

Yep, that was Castiel.

When I was finished, I stood up in front of him, looking at him through my lashes until Castiel nodded approvingly. A feeling of pride spread in my chest.

"Let's go to the couch," he ordered and I followed him quickly, sitting down next to him when he did. Castiel didn't look at me when he said, "Did I say you could sit down?"

Damn it. I still kept on making those silly mistakes.

I only stood up in response.

"Good boy," he praised and grabbed my arm to pull me closer. I was standing right in front of him now, half-hard dick right in front of his face but he ignored it pointedly. Instead, he let his hands travel up my sides, feeling my naked skin underneath his fingers. His eyes found mine while he continued exploring my body and I forced myself to hold his gaze. He didn't like it when I showed signs of bashfulness. I had no reason to, he'd once said.

After long minutes of worshipping my body and pressing little kisses against my hip bones, successfully getting my dick to full hardness, Castiel let go off me and said, "Turn around."

I did so immediately, noticing a middle-sized box lying on top of the small table out of the corner of my eye. Considering that it hadn't been there the day before, I supposed it had something to do with what we were doing right now and it didn't take long until I was proved right. Castiel picked up the box, successfully stealing it out of my sight, and I heard the box being opened. He took something from it and from the sound that followed I realized it was lube.

"Lean over," he ordered and I bowed down, revealing my hole to him completely, propping myself up on my hands. "You can make all the sounds you want today, Dean."

I hummed when he said that, the anticipation of being allowed to moan and gasp and pant making me more excited than anything. I felt his slender fingers pressing against my hole lightly, massaging it but not yet breaking inside. I squirmed in anticipation.

"What do you want, Dean?" Castiel asked, kissing the inside of my thigh wetly. "Who do you need?"

"You," I panted, feeling like I'd been away from him for years, even though it'd only been one day. I was eager to finally have him back inside of me.

"Exactly," Castiel said and promptly pressed his finger inside. I groaned happily, pushing back on his finger despite knowing that Castiel wouldn't allow it. I winced when I received a burning slap on my ass as punishment.

He kept pushing his finger in and out of my hole, preparing me for the next one, making me all hot and bothered. My dick was hard and ready but Castiel didn't press his second finger just yet. He drove me crazy with anticipation.

"Cas," I moaned, needing him to hurry up and get on with it.

"Who is it you're with every day, Dean? Who is it you love?" he continued asking and I suddenly felt hot and cold all over, the answer burning brightly inside of my chest, just like every time I told him I loved him.

"You," I replied breathlessly and Castiel hummed contently, adding a finger and pushing it in quickly. It was too fast but I could handle the painful stretch, as long as I was gonna get relief soon. I wanted to fuck myself on his fingers so badly.

Unexpectedly, he brushed my prostate and I cried out, one of my hands finding my dick involuntarily and squeezing it, but Castiel slapped it away quickly. I suppressed a sob like so often and simply hoped for Castiel to touch me soon. He kept pushing in and out, brushing my prostate on purpose every time.

"Who was the one to take you in when nobody wanted you? To love you unconditionally? To make you scream in pleasure whenever you needed it?" Castiel growled, a third finger pressing against my pucker, just waiting for the right answer to push inside.

"You!" I exclaimed, eagerly sucking his third finger inside of me, and I moaned loudly when I felt so full with him, so close to satisfaction, coming undone under his hands. I was ready for more in seconds, I _needed_ his cock.

"Who are you never going to leave, Dean? Who are you gonna be with forever?" Castiel asked, louder now, and I screamed the answer into the room.

"You, Castiel, it's you!" I sobbed, knowing that I needed him one hundred percent, not only now but forever. He was all I had, all I wanted -- he was my future. My savior. Without him, I was nothing.

"Yes. It's me," Castiel said and drew his fingers out of me. He pulled me back against him quickly, so I was pushed down onto his lap, and his dick entered me without warning. I gasped in surprise, throwing my head back against his shoulder at the burning feeling. Castiel's hand came up to my throat unexpectedly, cutting off my airways when he started fucking into me quickly. I wanted to protest, to ask what he was doing, but I was too overwhelmed by the feeling of his dick hammering into my prostate and the desperate need to scream in pleasure, but I could do nothing but take it. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, and weirdly enough, I _loved_ the feeling. The idea of Castiel choking me to my orgasm took control of me and my mind went dizzy, if from the lack of oxygen or from the pleasure I felt, I didn't know.

"I don't want you to see Benny again," Castiel whispered into my ear when he slammed into me another time and I came, as hard as I ever had. No sounds left my mouth when I painted my stomach, Castiel's hand still wrapped around my throat tightly and my eyes turned upwards in pleasure. It was only when Castiel came himself a few seconds later that he let go off me and I was able to suck in a huge breath, suddenly coughing violently. My throat started to hurt now, _everything_ hurt, but none of it mattered. Castiel's arms were around me, dick softening inside of me, and he kissed my neck tenderly, lovingly. It was such a stark, sweet contrast to the man that had choked me just seconds before.

"Why-- why'd you choke me?" I asked, voice hoarse and rough. I wasn't angry, not at all, but I still wanted to know what made him do it.

"Thought you'd appreciate it," Castiel grinned against my skin. "Did you?"

"Hell yeah."

Castiel then pulled out his dick, probably feeling uncomfortable now that he was getting soft again, and I turned in his arms, curling up in them.

"You heard me though, right?" Castiel asked and looked down at me. "I don't want you to see Benny again."

"What? Why?" I asked. He was right, I hadn't heard him in the heat of the moment and even if I had, I hadn't paid attention to it. But why would he want me to not talk to Benny anymore?

"He's not good for you. He's not good for _us_ ," Castiel explained and suddenly I knew what he was talking about. Benny was the one who had told me not to go back to Castiel and I almost hadn't. Castiel had to know and was therefore scared of losing me.

I didn't ask how he found out. Just like always. I just assumed he had his ways.

Besides, I was afraid that if I asked, I might not like what I'd find.

"I don't want you to talk to him again. Do so and we're over... And you know that I'm the one for you," Castiel said confidently. My eyes filled with silent tears. He couldn't make me do this, could he? He couldn't make me choose. I already lost so much. I lost my own mother.

I stayed silent.

"Benny's a bad influence, Dean. He doesn't love you like I do. Doesn't need you like you need me. He doesn't realize how dependent we are on each other," he continued, his nose burying itself in my hair. I tightened my grip around him, desperately holding on to him. He was my everything. "You're nothing without me," Castiel concluded and I knew he was right. I knew he was the only one that really mattered in the end...

It was obvious who I would decide for. But that didn't change the fact that it hurt like a bitch.

* * *

Ending Benny's and my friendship turned out to be harder than expected.

Simply ignoring his texts was easy, even though it hurt and had me conflicted, over thinking my decision again and again, but once I'd turned off my phone and given it to Castiel, I started feeling better. I couldn't lose Castiel over a stupid thing like this, I needed him more than I needed Benny. And if it was the only way of being with him, I'd be glad to leave Benny behind.

I stopped going to school as well, the risk of seeing my friend and being confronted was too much for me. Castiel said it was fine, school wasn't important for me anyway since I had him to care for me. And if Mom found out about my skipping, I'd deal with it later.

I went three days without hearing from Benny. I'd kind of hoped he'd just leave me alone once he realized I didn't want to talk to him, but I'd hoped in vain. It was on day four when he knocked on my apartment door.

It was one of the few times I actually hung out at home and it was more or less coincidence, too, since I was just there to get some stuff out of my room. But no, of course Benny had to choose that exact moment to knock on my door.

I didn't open immediately, not knowing who to expect, so I looked through the spy to make sure. When I saw that it was Benny though, I jumped back from the door like I'd burned myself. He'd looked confused and angry, obviously wanting an explanation for my behavior, but I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him. So I didn't open.

I waited just behind the door, standing still, staying silent, and Benny knocked a second time, louder now. I still didn't react but my heart bled.

By the time he knocked a third time, he started yelling through the door. "Come on, man, I know you're in there!" Benny said loudly and he sounded annoyed, upset by my sudden change in behavior, and I flinched involuntarily. "Open the fucking door!"

I couldn't deal with it.

I covered my ears instinctively and kneeled down on the floor, cowering away from everything. The stress and worry of the last few days was becoming too much for me. I just wanted it all to stop!

"Dean! Open the door, you asshole!" Benny shouted and I was still able to hear him, my hands not cutting off the sound like I wanted them to. A silent sob escaped my throat, thoughts swirling around in my mind. I couldn't breathe.

What should I do?

Suddenly, there was the sound of a door being opened and someone outside left their apartment, apparently annoyed by the shouting in the hallway.

"What are you doing?" someone asked and I recognized the cold voice immediately. My hands fell away from my ears and I perked up, hope growing within me. It was Castiel, saving me yet again.

"None of your fucking business," Benny growled and knocked at my door again.

"I'd recommend you stop this and leave," Castiel bit back, voice just as frosty. "Dean obviously doesn't want to see you," he continued.

"What's it to you?" Benny asked, ignoring Castiel's attempt to get rid of him.

I couldn't listen to it anymore.

"Leave, Benny!" I shouted through the door, letting my emotions get the best of me. "Please, just leave..." My voice broke.

Benny scoffed. "Dean, you're not seriously cutting me off now, are you?" he asked, disbelief and forced humor showing in his voice. "Don't listen to whatever that guy told you about me!"

I pressed my eyes closed.

"Dean, come on, don't fucking believe him!" he shouted and his desperation was clear now. "You're my best friend, man!"

A sob left my mouth again, a tear running down my face, when I pressed out, "Find someone else."

"Dean..." Benny said, completely dumbfounded. "Dean, you can't do this. Stop fucking with me!"

"You heard him. Go," Castiel said and I was glad he did. I couldn't force out one more word.

"This is all your fault," Benny suddenly shouted at Castiel, anger clear in his voice. "You fucking bastard!"

At that, I heard an unidentified sound and then a groan, followed by something slamming against my door violently, and I just knew Benny had tried to attack Castiel and failed. Castiel was older and stronger than him after all, he never stood a chance.

"Leave Dean the fuck alone. I won't say it again," Castiel growled and let go off Benny a second later. All I then heard was the sound of quick footsteps and violent cursing.

And with that, Benny had officially left my life.

* * *

After this incident, everything went downhill really fast. I got into a huge fight with Mom, about why I didn't go to school anymore -- because apparently, the school had called her at work and told her about it. My attendance had been close to non-existent the last few weeks and they were simply 'worried' about me. Of course.

Then she wanted to know where I went when I wasn't at work since she barely saw me home anymore and I politely yelled at her to "mind her own fucking business". She didn't take well to that. From then on, all we did was shout at each other until I left the apartment furiously, throwing the door shut behind me.

I had nowhere else to go though, so naturally, I stayed at Castiel's. Mom never knew I was just next door.

The next thing that happened was that I stopped working at Bobby's. I used to love the job, I was good at it and I was bound to be successful later, but Castiel's constant reassurance made me realize that I deserved more than minimum wage for all the work I was doing. And Bobby knew that. So I confronted him.

I asked him hesitantly when exactly he planned on giving me that raise he'd promised me but Bobby only shrugged, saying he couldn't afford it at the moment but he was gonna 'try' and give it to me as soon as possible. "Maybe in a few months," he'd said, shrugging it off, and I'd left, having been proved right. Bobby had never intended to give me more money. It was all some kind of cruel joke.

I didn't show up for work the next day. Or any day after that.

Benny stopped texting me, too, hurt by my blatant refusal to talk to him and intimidated by Castiel's insistence for him to leave me alone.

I didn't hear from him again...

Castiel and I moved a while later. I woke up to packed bags and a flustered looking Castiel one day, telling me to hurry up and get out to the car. Apparently, Mom had called the police on him when she saw me entering his apartment and staying the night. As soon as Castiel had found out, he'd started packing. Just like always, I didn't ask where he got the information.

The new flat we moved to was in another state, far enough for nobody to find us, and we hid with the help of fake IDs, pretending we were father and son living together. For some reason, it worked, even though we didn't look alike at all. People probably only believed what they wanted to believe. I didn't complain about it.

I dealt with it all, somehow. Time passed, and I had to admit, it was weird, having to hide and pretend, and I kind of felt like a criminal. It was not a nice feeling... But like I said, I managed.

Mostly, it was thanks to Castiel. Without him, I would've given up already.

He loved me passionately and made sure I was alright, even though he still liked to order me around every once in a while. He surprised me with presents at random, made sure I had everything I needed and more, and I was threatening to drown in my affection for this man. Castiel was my one and only, my undying love, and when I looked at him lying next to me, sweaty and blissed out after sex, I couldn't say I regretted my decision to leave with him...

Not everything was perfect though.

After a while of living together, I came to realize that Castiel was just as alone as I was. It took me longer than it probably should have to figure it out, but it turned out Castiel felt just as lonely as I did, secretly isolating himself from the rest of the world and hurting on the inside. He'd cut me off from my family and friends on purpose I realized soon, but weirdly enough I couldn't get up the energy to be mad at him. He hadn't really had a choice now, had he? He was lonely and simply wanted somebody to be there for him. Somebody who was ready to give up everything. And Castiel had found that in me.

Besides, two lonely individuals had to make one happy couple, right?

Well, not exactly...

We had each other, that much was true, we weren't exactly _a_ _lone_. But we weren't happy either. We lived in the illusion of being happy, we _behaved_ like we were happy and most of the time we even believed to be. Most days it wasn't hard to pretend, when everything felt good and we were lost in each other. Most days were fine.

Deep inside we were broken though. Deep inside we were scared.

Honestly, I didn't know if that feeling of fear would ever disappear. We didn't know if one day our past would catch up with us, rip us apart and make us even more miserable than we already were. And I didn't know if one day Castiel would just stop loving me and leave me for someone better. Everybody else had left me after all. Why not Castiel?

Every time thoughts like these crossed my mind, I'd shove them to the back of my brain, find Castiel and curl up beside him. His hand would start carding through my hair instinctively and sometimes, he'd even start humming. Other times he'd just stay silent.

"Do you love me?" I'd ask.

"More than anything," he'd reply.

"Will you ever stop?" I'd question.

"Not a chance," he'd say.

Then he'd tell me to stop worrying. So I would.

All in all, I couldn't complain. Sure, I was a high school drop out with no job, no friends and no possessions, but then again, all of that faded whenever I looked at Castiel. My love for him was unconditional at this point. One word from him and I'd jump.

I knew it was unhealthy. I knew Benny was right. I was under Castiel's control, manipulated by his words, naked and bare right in front of him -- but I didn't fucking care. And maybe that was the worst part about this. I _knew_ , and I still didn't care.

Because in the end, no matter how much Castiel had changed me, how much he'd manipulated and hurt me; in the end, I'd do anything for him...

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, I'm really interested in your thoughts about this!
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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